Ol’ Nick’s Wishlist

[Mitz]

If he's not real then who's knee having I have sitting on for the last 40 odd Christmases?

No doubt some weirdo in a Santa suit (maybe even stolen, just so you would sit on his knee).

 

[Rickster]

If he's not real then who's knee having I have sitting on for the last 40 odd Christmases?

Gary Glitters

 

[Rickster]

If that’s the case, @Rickster , I really wonder who rang me and asked me to compile this list

I know Santa is real, I just saw him the other day on the high street ringing a large bell. He must have been trying to help the local leprechauns (who are also real) as he had a large pot full of money

And from a more philosophical point of view, Santa’s asked me to tell you his knowledge of solipsism indicates that you very well may not exist

It's a scam fella, everyone knows you post a list letter to this 400 year old geezer in Lapland, hope you never gave her any bank details

 

[ZenAnarchi]

No doubt some weirdo in a Santa suit (maybe even stolen, just so you would sit on his knee).

If you sit on his lap, he’ll make sure you get to see Santa’s special edition stainless steel tube mod

 

[Mitz]

If you sit on his lap, he’ll make sure you get to see Santa’s special edition stainless steel tube mod

That sounds like Rolf Harris in the Santa suit.

"Come on Johnny, come and sit on my knee, I've got a present for you in my pocket. Why don't you put your hand in there and see if you can guess what it is. Well, can you guess what it is yet?"

 

[MarylinC37]

As I am well renowned for my magnanimity here in the North, I wasn’t particularly surprised to receive call from Santa’s executive assistant (read secretary) asking me if I could help him compile his wishlist for the vapers on potv…

I assured them that I would get right on it! Well, it’s only a month until Christmas, and you better have decided what you want Old St. Nick is having a bit of a cost of living crisis as well (the price of eggnog and reindeer feed has skyrocketed), so he told me no gifts over £100. You may only choose one product, hardware or juice, but you may wish for multiples as long as it doesn’t exceed the price limit

And for all you Scrooges out there who feel the need to be negative, Santa has also requested I grass on all of you so he knows how much coal to bring

@Santa has been a vaper for 8 years and encourages anyone still smoking to switch to a healthier alternative

You and him must almost be neighbours. Do you drink in the same local?

I know he's real 'cos every xmas morning when we were kids someone had squaffed the milk and cookies during the night. Still never figured out how he got past our gas fire though.

 

[Rob]

@u8myufo !!!!!

 

[Mitz]

@u8myufo !!!!!

Oh oh, secret Santa has been summoned.

 

[Rickster]

Oh oh, secret Santa has been summoned.

He's no a secret either....everyone knows he's a fat bastard from Lapland who fiddles with Elves n shags Reindeer....WTF is wrong with you people

 

[ZenAnarchi]

He's no a secret either....everyone knows he's a fat bastard from Lapland who fiddles with Elves n shags Reindeer....WTF is wrong with you people

Santa is not at all happy with you disparaging him in this way (and claims that the incident with the reindeer was a complete misunderstanding), so you have been placed on the Naughty List

But don’t despair! Even though he’s angry and has discarded most of your gifts,

he did save a Hammer of God mod for you, which he’d like to give to you personally. Not in your stocking, no, but up your prison wallet.. Now place a cookie between your cheeks and bend over, here comes Santa

I apologize in advance for this post, but we members of Fantasy Figure Lives Matter cannot allow this form of discrimination to continue